I hope you see how scared I am to lose you

I know there will always be girls who are going to be better than me — prettier, smarter, more skinny, funnier. Those girls can easily catch your eye with just one hair flip, a wink, a flirty smile, or with their swaying hips when they pass by in front of you. And I literally can’t stand a chance when compared to them. This is why I try to protect you from their wicked charms by building a wall around you; a wall that is too high to prevent you from looking out and to stop them from looking in. I still did that even though I know how much you hate being trapped, how claustrophobic you are.

I try to protect you by doing my best to be everything you need - girlfriend, friend, parent, sibling, enemy - hoping that you would see that I am already enough for you. That you don’t need to look for these roles in another girl because I AM HERE TO BE EVERYTHING YOU NEED AND WANT, EVEN. I still did that even though I know deep inside me that I will never be enough to play all those roles; that you need other people to grow and learn.

I try to protect you by limiting your time spent with your girl friends because I’m scared that they’d make you happier than I could, that you’d realize this and leave me alone. I still did this even though I am aware how much you value your friendship with them.

I try to protect you by making you the center of my world, my everything. I shower you with time, attention and affection. I included you in my future plans. Whenever I decide on something, I consider you first. If it won’t favor you, I won’t agree on it. If it will, I would. I did this fervently hoping that in trying to make you see how much you mean to me, you’d also see my worth and figure out that nobody can compare with the way I love you. I still did this even though I am equipped with the knowledge that you don’t want to get too attached to anyone, even me.

I suck in this, I know. But you see, with them around, I don’t stand a chance. And to be able to keep you in my life, I have to be good enough for you. I don’t know if I ever will be,