Sa 1st day, pag susulatin na naman tayo ng mga teachers natin kung anong ginawa natin this summer.. this time, I would write the truth and only the truth. So here's what I'll write.

I spent half of my summer, crying and trying to get over a heartless guy who shattered and broke my heart into million little pieces. And the other half of my summer, I spent begging him to stay with me.

Did you ever have your heart broken that you've reached the point where you feel suicidal? Well, that's how horrible my summer was.

I can barely sleep, I wouldn't eat. I stopped listening to what every body has to say. I'd just lay in bed all day or I'd spend at least an hour or two in the bathroom, trying to wash off the pain.

I became one of my worst fear .. I became Oblivion; The state in which I became unaware and unconscious to what is happening.

I'd wake up in the morning and I look at myself in the mirror, thinking why and how could this be then I would try to stop the tears from falling from remembering all that was happening to me, to us. Then I'd go back to bed, trying to regain what was left in me. then came the nights.

Nights are the most scariest part of the day specially when they start to get attached to the sadness you're feeling. During the nights, starting from 10 pm on wards when every one else is asleep ..

I would cry my heart out in silent as I reminisce about every thing that had happened. I always feel nostalgic at night and I never liked the idea of it.

It's painful to see yourself die while you're still alive. To break down when all you ever wanted was to build yourself up. You feel so empty without him, without him .. it's like you're nothing.

I had to admit that I almost killed myself. Why? well, because Death is an escape .. an escape from this mad, horrible world we live in.

But a part of me, wanted to stay alive .. because what if all these is just a trial? and I killed myself knowing that I can do something about it? ..

I lost my self in the process of loving him and I never found myself again. He, he completes me even though he's the one who broke me. I love him, and I hate him both at the same time.

My summer was hell-like and there had never come a day where I would be complete and utterly happy.

This summer is so far the worst summer I've ever had. And it's all because of him, all because of what he did to me.

I'm here physically but little does anyone knew that I already died a thousand deaths ever since I found out about every thing.

I don't know even know who I am anymore bc of him. I forgot what it was like to be happy, to be nothing more than happy. =)))

but life will fuck you and you just have to deal with whatever shit it is going to give you.

What I'm scared of now is if this sadness will last forever. :(

My heart is confused as it is. and I don't know what to do anymore, I love 2 person's at this time. I know, if you love two people, you choose the 2nd one bc you wouldn't love the 2nd one if you really loved the 1st one. But this is how it goes ..

I'm stuck in love with this foolish guy who broke my heart. We've been dating for more than a year and I gave him every thing but little did I know that 'every thing' wasn't enough for him. So he decided to find someone who can make him happier than I did or someone whom he could fuck, I guess. He broke my heart into million pieces but I still love him with all the broken and scattered pieces. And just when I thought that I could never loved any one again .. I met her. :)

Yes, her. and No, I am not bisexual or anything but yes .. the 2nd one is a girl. I don't know, we got close to one another bc we both are big fans of the great and handsome and amazing too .. " Andrew Garfield " and knowing myself, I am very sweet and too friendly .. and she fell in love? or is that only my point of view. Idk =))) but as days passed by, I began to love her deeply :') I wouldn't take it like " I want this type of relationship with her " but I know I don't want to lose her. =))) She makes me feel like I'm worth it.

If we were close you would tell me to choose the 2nd one, hence even though we're not close. right?

The problem here is I can't let the person number 1 go, I don't know how to unloved him and he keeps coming back to me and I'm only human plus I still love the guy then on the other hand, I also like loving the 2nd person.

I'm fucked up as hell and I don't even know what to do.
Do I stay or do I go? Which one do I choose? :( I'm stuck between the battle that's occurring in my insides; I'm referring to my heart and my head. It's the most inconstant battle between what you know and what your heart desire.

Do you follow your heart or do you follow what your brain says? :( See? ugh.
I don't know what to do. Can't I just be a heartless person? :( fuck.

Mahal kita. Mahal mo ko. Oo mahal natin ang isa’t isa pero wlang assurance na hindi natin iiwan anv isa’t isa. Kasi may isang tao na mang’iiwan sa’tin khit ga’no pa ntin gawin lahat, mgeffort k man di ba sbi nila hndi sapat na words lng ang ginagwa ksi kelangan mo mg’effort? Pa’no kung ngeffort kna pero wla parin? Mgeeffort kna nga iiwan kpa. Ngpakatino kna nga iiwan kpa rin. Ginwa muna lhat pero iniwan ka prin. Bakit? Ksi nkahanap n sya ng bago, ng bgo niyang mamahalin ksi hndi n ikaw ung priority nya. Iba na hndi na ikaw

Sometimes, I’m afraid to be happy because every time I’m happy, something goes wrong, and hurts me.

before you leave a person, think of them and imagine their face. try to remember the best and worst days you had them, the first time you meet and how you became close. try to think of the times when they’re all the ones you needed the most. refresh your mind with the memories whether they are all good or bad and think about how you are going to regret leaving them.

Loving you is painful. But I'd rather feel the pain of loving you than the pain of losing you.

Love and Infatuation

I was naive back then 
that I used to believe 
that I was already falling 
for someone. 
But as I grew up, 
I realized 
I wasn’t really falling 
in love in those days.

All I felt that time was 
attraction towards someone’s 
looks and talents.
Thus, it was a 
pure infatuation.

I learned the difference
ever since 
I met a guy who 
almost have the 
things I’m looking for in a guy. 
As soon as I get to 
know him more, I dislike him.
His attitude killed it.

Then I met this other guy 
who doesn’t seem to 
have those qualities 
I dreamed about in a guy.

Yet, the way he loves me
is so perfect.
The way he treats me
feels so right.
He is the love I’ve
been looking for.
He is the love I’ve
always wanted and will
always be wanting.