Sa 1st day, pag susulatin na naman tayo ng mga teachers natin kung anong ginawa natin this summer.. this time, I would write the truth and only the truth. So here's what I'll write.

I spent half of my summer, crying and trying to get over a heartless guy who shattered and broke my heart into million little pieces. And the other half of my summer, I spent begging him to stay with me.

Did you ever have your heart broken that you've reached the point where you feel suicidal? Well, that's how horrible my summer was.

I can barely sleep, I wouldn't eat. I stopped listening to what every body has to say. I'd just lay in bed all day or I'd spend at least an hour or two in the bathroom, trying to wash off the pain.

I became one of my worst fear .. I became Oblivion; The state in which I became unaware and unconscious to what is happening.

I'd wake up in the morning and I look at myself in the mirror, thinking why and how could this be then I would try to stop the tears from falling from remembering all that was happening to me, to us. Then I'd go back to bed, trying to regain what was left in me. then came the nights.

Nights are the most scariest part of the day specially when they start to get attached to the sadness you're feeling. During the nights, starting from 10 pm on wards when every one else is asleep ..

I would cry my heart out in silent as I reminisce about every thing that had happened. I always feel nostalgic at night and I never liked the idea of it.

It's painful to see yourself die while you're still alive. To break down when all you ever wanted was to build yourself up. You feel so empty without him, without him .. it's like you're nothing.

I had to admit that I almost killed myself. Why? well, because Death is an escape .. an escape from this mad, horrible world we live in.

But a part of me, wanted to stay alive .. because what if all these is just a trial? and I killed myself knowing that I can do something about it? ..

I lost my self in the process of loving him and I never found myself again. He, he completes me even though he's the one who broke me. I love him, and I hate him both at the same time.

My summer was hell-like and there had never come a day where I would be complete and utterly happy.

This summer is so far the worst summer I've ever had. And it's all because of him, all because of what he did to me.

I'm here physically but little does anyone knew that I already died a thousand deaths ever since I found out about every thing.

I don't know even know who I am anymore bc of him. I forgot what it was like to be happy, to be nothing more than happy. =)))

but life will fuck you and you just have to deal with whatever shit it is going to give you.

What I'm scared of now is if this sadness will last forever. :(

My heart is confused as it is. and I don't know what to do anymore, I love 2 person's at this time. I know, if you love two people, you choose the 2nd one bc you wouldn't love the 2nd one if you really loved the 1st one. But this is how it goes ..

I'm stuck in love with this foolish guy who broke my heart. We've been dating for more than a year and I gave him every thing but little did I know that 'every thing' wasn't enough for him. So he decided to find someone who can make him happier than I did or someone whom he could fuck, I guess. He broke my heart into million pieces but I still love him with all the broken and scattered pieces. And just when I thought that I could never loved any one again .. I met her. :)

Yes, her. and No, I am not bisexual or anything but yes .. the 2nd one is a girl. I don't know, we got close to one another bc we both are big fans of the great and handsome and amazing too .. " Andrew Garfield " and knowing myself, I am very sweet and too friendly .. and she fell in love? or is that only my point of view. Idk =))) but as days passed by, I began to love her deeply :') I wouldn't take it like " I want this type of relationship with her " but I know I don't want to lose her. =))) She makes me feel like I'm worth it.

If we were close you would tell me to choose the 2nd one, hence even though we're not close. right?

The problem here is I can't let the person number 1 go, I don't know how to unloved him and he keeps coming back to me and I'm only human plus I still love the guy then on the other hand, I also like loving the 2nd person.

I'm fucked up as hell and I don't even know what to do.
Do I stay or do I go? Which one do I choose? :( I'm stuck between the battle that's occurring in my insides; I'm referring to my heart and my head. It's the most inconstant battle between what you know and what your heart desire.

Do you follow your heart or do you follow what your brain says? :( See? ugh.
I don't know what to do. Can't I just be a heartless person? :( fuck.

Mahal kita. Mahal mo ko. Oo mahal natin ang isa’t isa pero wlang assurance na hindi natin iiwan anv isa’t isa. Kasi may isang tao na mang’iiwan sa’tin khit ga’no pa ntin gawin lahat, mgeffort k man di ba sbi nila hndi sapat na words lng ang ginagwa ksi kelangan mo mg’effort? Pa’no kung ngeffort kna pero wla parin? Mgeeffort kna nga iiwan kpa. Ngpakatino kna nga iiwan kpa rin. Ginwa muna lhat pero iniwan ka prin. Bakit? Ksi nkahanap n sya ng bago, ng bgo niyang mamahalin ksi hndi n ikaw ung priority nya. Iba na hndi na ikaw

Sometimes, I’m afraid to be happy because every time I’m happy, something goes wrong, and hurts me.

before you leave a person, think of them and imagine their face. try to remember the best and worst days you had them, the first time you meet and how you became close. try to think of the times when they’re all the ones you needed the most. refresh your mind with the memories whether they are all good or bad and think about how you are going to regret leaving them.

Loving you is painful. But I'd rather feel the pain of loving you than the pain of losing you.

Love and Infatuation

I was naive back then 
that I used to believe 
that I was already falling 
for someone. 
But as I grew up, 
I realized 
I wasn’t really falling 
in love in those days.

All I felt that time was 
attraction towards someone’s 
looks and talents.
Thus, it was a 
pure infatuation.

I learned the difference
ever since 
I met a guy who 
almost have the 
things I’m looking for in a guy. 
As soon as I get to 
know him more, I dislike him.
His attitude killed it.

Then I met this other guy 
who doesn’t seem to 
have those qualities 
I dreamed about in a guy.

Yet, the way he loves me
is so perfect.
The way he treats me
feels so right.
He is the love I’ve
been looking for.
He is the love I’ve
always wanted and will
always be wanting.

"Baby, bear with me for being like this. Bear with me for being so jealous to most girls who also gets your attention. I trust you and I don’t trust them. I’m just scared that you might choose them over me, that you might realize that I’m no better than them. Baby, I’m just scared. I love you so much and having the thought of losing you because of them kills me. I don’t know what to do if you’ll prefer somebody else than me. I’m sorry for thinking like this but I just don’t want to lose you. I just want you to be mine alone, that’s all. And I’m sorry, sometimes I just couldn’t help myself not to think that someone else could actually make you happier than I could. I guess this is all just my insecurities, I can’t handle them well, they’re acting up now. I know there are a lot of girls out there who’s smarter than me, who’s prettier, who’s more fun and exciting to be with than me, I’m just scared. I love you too much."

"Oh baby, don’t be scared. I’m all yours. They are just props, you know. I love you more than anyone else in this world. And no one can ever make me happy like you do. I’m not going to exchange you with those girls you’re jealous of. I already have you and I couldn’t ask for more. I know, I’m not going to find someone that can love me like you do. You’re all that I need. You’re one of those precious stones that I have and they are just rock. Bear that in your mind, please? I don’t want to lose you as much as you do. I’m not being showy but you know, I’m freaking jealous to those boys that gets your attention too. Sometimes when I found you talking with them, I want to grab your hand, runaway and kiss you like there’s no tomorrow. I want to make them see that you’re mine. I want them to back off because you’re my girl. I want them to know that I am loved by the most beautiful girl in the world. But I can’t be that selfish, baby. They also need you. But don’t think that I don’t care, okay? I’m just being rational here. I love you so much and that’s all that matters, right? I love you baby. Stop over thinking things. I’m just here. I love you."

A letter to his future ex-girlfriend.

I know I’m the last person you want advice from-
But hear me out, I know him better than anyone else.
I know the boy you’ll soon love, better than I know myself.

But it’s been a while since we’ve talked..
And I know that only means one thing,
there’s someone else, so I’m writing this for you.

His favorite color is blue & often, he’ll make you feel that way-
It’s not anything you did..
It’s just.. everything he touches, he breaks-

But my God, his touch will end the wars going on inside you;
And you’ll forget about all the fires he lit in your stomach.

When you go to the store,
get him a Mountain Dew & a Reese’s..
Every single time.

Let him roll the blunts,
I think he likes it because it’s the one time his mind will let him focus on something not so fucking tragic..
something other than me.. or her.

When he talks about me, because he will-
Don’t get upset. Don’t get jealous.

What we had is dead & gone,
but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt.

Light his Newport & nod at 3 a.m when you’re outside with him,
& stories about us slip from his lips, he’s just reminiscing,
He’s coming back to you, so let him.

I showed him what love is,
he didn’t know what to do with it but he can’t forget,
don’t try to force him, that’s what she did.

The only girl I know for sure he loved, other than me.
You’ll hear about her when he’s angry & drunk.
Words dripping confusion & disgust will fly from his lips,
He’s just venting,
he’ll be okay afterwards, so let him.

She showed him what heartbreak is,
he’ll always try but he can’t forget.
Love him better than she did.

Loving him won’t be easy but he’ll make you feel alive.
When he leaves, you’ll feel like you’re dying.
You’re not.

Don’t be like me. Or her.
Don’t chase him. Let him go.

His mother didn’t raise him to stay,
I know it sounds like a cop out
& it probably is but it’s fucking honest.

He doesn’t know how to stay,
you will not be the one to teach him;

He’ll call you every now & then, don’t answer.
It’ll only make it hurt more.

But in the mean time, take alot of pictures,
because once he’s gone,
that’s all you’ll have to remember him by.

You’ll look at those pictures every night for a month straight,
just to prove to yourself that you aren’t crazy,
that what you two had, happened.

You aren’t crazy.

When he holds your hand, hold his tighter.
When he tells you he doesn’t think he’ll ever get married,
take it personal. 
I wished I would’ve.

I’m not bitter, I’m not a crazy ex, I’m not being a bitch-
I’ve been exactly where you are,
And maybe I’d have more of me left,
if someone would’ve told me this.

Let him love you then let him leave you-
don’t complicate it.

You’re welcome.

This is how you keep her. :)

“Kiss her. Slowly, take your time, there’s no place you’d rather be. Kiss her but not like you’re waiting for something else, like your hands beneath her shirt or her skirt or tangled up in her bra straps. Nothing like that. Kiss her like you’ve forgotten any other mouth that your mouth has ever touched. Kiss her with a curious childish delight. Laugh into her mouth, inhale her sighs. Kiss her until she moans. Kiss her with her face in your hands. Or your hands in her hair. Or pulling her closer at the waist. Kiss her like you want to take her dancing. Like you want to spin her into an open arena and watch her look at you like you’re the brightest thing she’s ever seen. Kiss her like she’s the brightest thing you’ve ever seen. Take your time. Kiss her like the first and only piece of chocolate you’re ever going to taste. Kiss her until she forgets how to count. Kiss her stupid. Kiss her silent. Come away, ask her what 2+2 is and listen to her say your name in answer.”

• ”Iingatan kita”

Gagawin ko ang lahat ng aking makakaya, maingatan ka lang. Hindi kita pababayaan o iiwanan, lalo na sa mga oras na kinakailangan mo ako. Hindi ko rin hahayaan na masaktan ka ng ibang tao. At kung dumating man ang puntong masaktan kita ng hindi sinasadya, ipaparamdam ko sayo kung gaano kita kamahal.

• ”Poprotektahan kita..”

Dito ka lang sa tabi ko. Poprotektahan kita ng buong buo. Hindi ko man maipapangakong palagi akong nandyan sayong tabi, asahan mo na hindi ko hahayaang masaktan ka ng ibang tao. Alam mo ba, na sa tuwing nakikita kitang umiiyak o masama ang loob, ako ang higit nasasaktan at naaapektuhan dahil nakikita kita, ang taong pinakamamahal ko na nasasaktan at nagdaramdam. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, hindi ko nagawa ang tungkulin kong protektahan ka. Pero wag kang mag alala, kapag naulit muli ito, ako mismo ang makakaharap nila. Kaibigan mo man sila o hindi, ako ang higit na kalaban nila. Pero sisiguraduhin ko na bago ka pa nila masaktan, nandito na ko sa tabi mo at hawak hawak ko na ang mga kamay mo. Shhhhh. Shhh. Wag ka ng mag-alala at umiyak ha, mahal ko? Nandito lang ako.

• ”Mamahalin kita.”

Ayaw kong magsabi ng kahit na anong pangako, dahil iba pa rin kung ipaparamdam ko sayo ang lahat sa pamamagitan ng aksyon. Ayaw kong makita kang nasasaktan kung sakaling mangako ako sayo at hindi ko man matupad. Hindi kasi ako yun tipo ng taong namumuhay sa pangako ng ibang tao. Dahil alam ko ang pakiramdam ng mabigo. Hindi ako magsasalita ng mga bagay na hindi ako sigurado, dahil ayaw kong may panghawakan ka at kung sakaling hindi matupad, masaktan kita ng hindi sadya at mauwi lamang sa wala ang lahat. Pero isa lang ang masasabi ko sayo, mahal na mahal kita at mamahalin pa kita sa abot ng makakaya ko. Wag kang mag alala at wag mong iisipin ang sasabihin ng iba. Iingatan, poprotektahan at mamahalin kita sa paraang alam ko.

Some real creepy questions, get your fix. DO IT

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? No. :(

• 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? yes.
• 3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? I feel like that every day, so.
• 4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? yes, I would.
• 5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? yes.
• 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes ...
• 7. What exactly are you wearing right now? a baggy t-shirt and shorts.
• 8. How often do you listen to music? often enough to make it like my own personal brand of drugs.
• 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? jeans 
• 10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2015? yes
• 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? I'm a little bit of both.
• 12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? no
• 13. What about ‘R’? no.
• 14. Can you drive a stick shift? I can't even drive anything, yet.
• 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? yes :(
• 16. Are you going out of town soon? hope so.
• 17. When was the last time you cried? Just an hour ago
• 18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yes. :(
• 19. If you could change your eye color, would you? yes, although I love my brown eyes.
• 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? yes. :'(
• 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. that he makes me feel like he's not really serious about us.
• 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? yes, it is cute.
• 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? no.
• 24. What are you sitting on right now? the bed
• 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? yes.
• 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? I'm almost there.
• 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Stanley.
• 28. Do you get a lot of colds? barely
• 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? my mom
• 30. Does anyone hate you? I think so.
• 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? no.
• 32. Do you like watching scary movies? some times
• 33. Do you want your tongue pierced? yes
• 34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? 2014..
• 35. Did you have a dream last night? yes
• 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? an hour ago
• 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? ask me again in 10 years.
• 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? yes
• 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? yes
• 40. Did you have a good day yesterday? yes and no
• 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? yes I was.
• 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? yes
• 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? yes
• 44. What’s the best part about school? my friends are there
• 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? yes
• 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? yes
• 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? yes.
• 48. Were you single over the last summer? I was taken then, now I'm particularly single.
• 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? No, life was better then than it is now
• 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? crying
• 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? yes and no.
• 52. Are you nice to everyone? too nice
• 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yes, him.
• 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? I've had that kind of relationship already.
• 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? yes, very.
• 56. Do you think you like someone? I love him.
• 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? May J sya sa 2nd name nya so yes.
• 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? I'm beginning to feel the vibe with boys rather than with girls, but I'm friends with girls more.
• 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? yes.
• 60. Do you hate anyone? YES.
• 61. How’s your heart? still broken .. and confused and shattered and torn into pieces...
• 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? what happened between me and him, yes.
• 63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Yes. :'(
• 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? idk.
• 65. Are your toenails painted pink? no.
• 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? maybe
• 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? yes, bc guys barely cry and if a guy cries for you then he loves you.
• 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? no, haha.
• 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? He didn't answer my call but it was him.
• 70. How do you look right now? swollen eyes. I look terrible
• 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Him ..
• 72. Can you commit to one person? Yes, yes I can.
• 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes ..
• 74. Have you ever felt replaced? Yes :'(
• 75. Did you wake up cranky? No, I woke up feeling amazing and now I wished I didn't even woke up at all.
• 76. Are you a jealous person? I am..
• 77. Are relationships ever worth it? Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not.
• 78. Anyone you’re giving up on? I'm close to giving up but I can't and I don't want to do so.
• 79. Currently wanting to see anyone? yes
• 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? well.. wake up is one
• 81. Last person you cried in front of? Stanley.
• 82. Is there someone you will never forget? him.
• 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? no..
• 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? cuddle ..
• 85. Are you over your past? no ..
• 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? yes
• 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? only him ..
• 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? he's my first true love and yes, I would accept him.
• 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? yes.. bc the last person I kissed is him.
• 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? yes.
• 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? no. I have my 3 month rule. haha
• 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? yes
• 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? no
• 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? yes, I was. I thought it was a bitter sweet love story but sadly it ended ..
• 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? Yes, I was happy with him then. but now, I'm not even sure about how I'm feeling towards him.
• 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yes he is.
• 97. Who do you have texts from? Only him.
• 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? It's okay. I'm okay. :): I hope she'll make you happier than I did. She's one lucky girl. very lucky bc you liked her and who knows, you might love her.
• 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? only him.
• 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? no one, but my past pictures he was the only guy I've been with in my profile pictures.
• 101. Ever kissed under fireworks? I was supposed to but it didn't happen .. so yeah. :)
• 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Only him. always him

(c) Lalaking nagmahal.

Siguro pag nakita o narinig mo yang lines na yan ay iisipin mo agad yung kanta ng The Script na The Man Who Can’t Be Moved pero hindi niyo ba alam na may ilang lalaki din ang nakakaranas niyan?

Yung lalaking nagmahal ng sobra sa isang babaeng sinaktan o iniwan lang siya. Tapos sa sobrang lungkot ng buhay niya dahil sa mga ngyari ay naghanap na lang siya ng pagmamahal mula sa iba. Minsan akala niyo malandi lang yung lalaki pero hindi niyo alam na nasasaktan talaga siya, kaya siya naghahanap ng pagmamahal mula sa isang babaeng kayang intindihin ang sitwasyon niya. Kaso madalas imbes na mahalin din siya eh siya pa yung niloloko, pinapaasa, iniiwan, ginagago at sinasaktan ng mga babaeng sumunod dun sa babaeng minahal niya ng sobra. Akala nung lalaki yung babaeng nagcocomfort sa kanya ay mamahalin din siya ang hindi niya alam minsan ginagawa lang siyang reserve, palipas oras at kalandian lang nung babae.

“Sabi nila mabilis mafall ang mga babae pero MAS mabilis kaming mafall sa totoo lang. Yung mga simpleng sweet words at effort lang ng isang babae sa amin ay mahuhulog na talaga kami lalo na kung broken hearted kami o nasa magulong sitwasyon sa buhay pag-ibig.”

"Takot kaming mga lalaki dumating sa point na kung saan wala kaming makakapitan sa oras ng mga problema. Oo, malakas at matapang kami pero may times na takot na takot kami sa mundo. Yung feeling ng mag isa lang kami sa buhay? Yung feeling walang nakakaintindi sa amin? Yung feeling na wala na kaming ginawang tama? at yung feeling na wala ng nagmamahal sa amin? Madaming pakiramdam ang ayaw naming maranasan mag isa.

Kaya nga kami naghahanap ng girlfriend eh, kasi kailangan namin ng makakasama sa buhay, kailangan namin ng makakaintindi sa amin, kailangan namin ng magsasabi ng tama at magtatama ng mga pagkakamali namin, at kailangan namin ng may magmamahal sa amin.”

"Bilang isang lalaki hirap na hirap kaming gumising kada umaga pag wasak ang puso namin. Akala ng iba masaya kami, hindi nila alam na bago kami matulog ay lumuluha o umiiyak kami ng dahil sa isang babae. Syiempre nagmahal kami eh, totoo at walang halong biro. Magaling lang kaming mag tago ng aming nararamdaman kaya hindi alam ng kahit sino kung gaano kami nasasaktan. Hindi man nakikita ng babaeng mahal namin yung sakit pero kitang kita namin yun kasi kami mismo ang nakakaramdam sa puso’t isipan namin."

"May times na malandi kami lalo na pag sawi ang puso namin. Alam namin na mali ang maging malandi pero nagagawa namin yun dahil naghahanap kami ng pagmamahal mula sa iba. Kaya pati kami nagiging malandi minsan dahil takot na kaming muling magmahal ng sobra. Siguro dahil na din sa huling babaeng naging dahilan ng sakit sa aming mga puso. Takot kaming muling maramdaman yun. Pero sa totoo lang nararamdaman pa namin yung sakit eh. Niloloko nga lang namin yung sarili namin madalas kapag sinasabi namin na AYOS LANG AKO lines.

"Ang hirap magmahal, nakaka gago, nakaka asar, nakaka tanga. Sorry sa mura, pero walang murang kayang mag explain ng sakit. Ang hirap mag move on sa taong minahal mo ng sobra. Yung sobrang sobra mo siyang mahal pero sobra sobra din yung sakit. Ang unfair kasi lagi na lang sinasabi na kaming mga lalaki yung mangloloko, paasa, mangiiwan at mang gagago. Pero sa totoo lang madami din naman babaeng gumagawa nun eh. Ang hirap talaga, sobra, sobra pa sa sobra. Minsan nga hindi ka na lang makagalaw sa sakit. Yung nasa isang tabi ka tapos nakikita mong masaya ang lahat pero lang sa isang tao at ikaw yun.

Siguro sinasabi ng iba na nasisiraan na ako, pero sa totoo lang….

Lalaki ako, nagmahal, umasang mamahalin din, ngunit nasaktan lang. Mararamdaman at maiintindihan mo din ako at ang sakit na nararamdaman ko kapag nawala sayo yung taong minahal mo ng sobra pa sa sobra.

I am not asking for a second chance, just missing the old feeling

I used to remember that tingling feeling when you told me one time that there’s no single chance you would leave me not even if I told you so. I used to recall our late night conversations wherein you used to whisper how much you would love to spend your whole life falling more and more in love with me. I miss those times when you would call me just to say “Hi.” Its been quite a long time since we had our last, sincere talk together and as time passes by I have realized that there are things we shouldn't push just to have it even if we really want it so bad because things that are meant to happen will eventually happen.
I know I shouldn't be dwelling again and again from the past but I didn't say that I want you back. Its just that there are times when I used to miss that kind of feeling. A feeling of loving and being loved.

I’m tired of making you into metaphors and similes and poetry, you are not ‘like’ anything, you are just a scared little boy with too much time on your hands to think and to hurt and to keep yourself from falling in love with me.

what i’d give for you to smile at me the way you do for others

I felt your laughter

rattling inside of my bones,

and I wondered for

a minute if the feel of

that was normal, but

I look at the windswept

style of your hair, and

the crinkle cornering

your eyelids and I just

can’t help but wish the

thought beneath your

smiles were tangible, so

I’d be able to pocket

your happiness, and you’d

find it in me.

• Will you still love me?
• With my flaws? With my messy hair? With my morning face? With the scars on my knees? With the pimples on my cheeks? With my stubbornness? With the teeth marks on my back? With my mood swings?
• Even if I’m boring to be with? Even if I sing out of tune? Even when I’m paranoid? Even though I’m not sexy like those other girls? Even when I don’t trust you enough? Even if I’m so hard to handle sometimes? Even if you know I can’t love you back that easily?
• Will you, will you?

“Forgive and forget,’ that’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back; when someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget. — Grey’s Anatomy”

Please don't get tired of me

It happens every time. People lose interest in me. They get tired of me. Suddenly, they don't bother hitting me up anymore. The conversations become shorter. They forget about me and I just become a distant memory. I wonder if it's my fault sometimes. But then I realized that people never stay in my life. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Ang masakit kasi talaga eh yung everything seemed perfect tapos bigla ka na lang niyang iiwan, walang pasabi, walang signal. Basta iwan na lang. Kahit naman sa friendship or sa boy girl relationship e masakit ‘to. Na ang saya nya with others tapos ikaw..hinihintay mong lapitan ka niya tapos ayusin nya ulit lahat nang sainyo, pero hindi. Hindi na mangyayari yon kahit gustong gusto mo.

Tell me. Have I done something wrong to deserve so much pain? Tell me why, tell me now. Am I not that kind of person who deserves to be happy? Why do you treat me as if I don’t exist? You know what? Some days, I just wish we’ve never met or I was never even born because the world is an awful place to live and people would never understand why.

Blog ko pero ikaw ang content nito.

Ang third party, kadalasan nakakasira ng relasyon. Pero minsan, sila din yung dahilan para malaman ng isang tao na, "Hindi, mahal ko talaga siya. Panlandian lang to."

I once had this situation when I forgot what it feels to be happy. It’s not that I can’t smile and laugh. I just feel okay and fine but I don’t know if I’m happy. Until I realized that It is because I want the exact same thing to happen again; those memories that made me happy before. When I’m feeling really depressed about it, I suddenly think that it’s because I treasure it that much and It makes me feel like it’s the only stuffs that can make me happy ever again. That’s how I remember that we should treasure every moment in order to be happy.

He said that

We can 

Still be friends.

But I think

He meant that

We can

Be the kind of

Strangers that share

Silent memories and

A passing smile

Every once in a while.

Pano kaya kung mawala ka?

Kahit minsan yung ugali mo hindi ko maintindihan, Hinding hindi ko magagawang pagsawaang ibigin ka. Kasi sa buhay ko, ikaw yung nagsisilbi kong lakas.  Siguro kung mawawala ka sa buhay ko, baka di ko na kayaning kumain at maging tulala nalang. Alam mo bang ang paglisan mo ang maaaring maging dahilan ng pagkabuang ng buong pagkatao ko? baka lahat ng turnilyo sa katawan ko bigla nalang lumuwang.

Sa mundong ito, kung wala ka para na ring akong walang silbi. Kahit magtagumpay man ako sa buhay, kung wala ka rin gabi gabi akong malulumbay. Kahit sumikat man ako o kaya yumaman, di ko rin maeenjoy kasi wala ka naman. Ayoko na gumalaw kung aalis ka. Baka mas gustuhin ko pang umanib nalang sa mga tulisan. Kung mawawala ka di ko na alam kung san ako lulugar. Para sakin wala ng kwenta ang lahat. Baka imbis na lumuhod, gumapang pa ako sa simbahan para lang ipagdasal na sana bumalik ka na.

Kung mawawala ka, pakiramdan ko di ko kayang mabuhay ng magisa. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay ibigin ka. Kasi sa mundong ito, ikaw lang ang kaya kong mahalin.

You are so beautiful

I wish I could spend

every minute with you

and I miss you every

minute that I’m not

I could spend years 

telling you all the 

things I like about

you

So I’m just gonna

say in our solar 

system there’s 9

planets, 204 countries,

809 islands, 7 seas, 

and I have had 

the privilege to meet

you

You to me are 

1 in 7 billion and

theres no one else 

Id rather spend time with than you

Trust

Even though, even if you say sorry and even if you say you apologize sincerely. Some things are never easily be mend

Girls are sensitive, they over think every little thing and they care way more than they should. But, that's what makes their love strong.

I keep telling my self .. " Stop crying, he's not worth your tears. "

People would tell me to stop this non-sense, to show him that I'll be okay without him in my life. They would tell me to stop crying, stop hurting yourself, stop torturing yourself, stop the pain before it controls you.

I did what they told me to. I deleted his number, blocked him from every possible communication we can have. I did what I could, and the pain didn't go away. :(

The memories they haunt me when the clock strikes 12 and every one is fast asleep; I lie awake, crying and feeling how my heart is slowly breaking. Like it's been a part of my daily routine to just cry myself to sleep .. figure out a way to die, to just escape this pain.

I'm okay during the morning's and afternoon. but when night comes, I just can't take it anymore. :( </3
Stop crying, stop crying. I shout to myself.. :( and I just cry more, so yeah. :'(

I give up. </3

"never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care."

Gusto ko kapag nahulog ulit ako, may sasalo na.

Bc no one would TA me on tumblr.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Stanley Joshua Valdez Sombilla
2. Are you outgoing or shy? both
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Monica Frances Gamboa Tanzon.
4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? A really sincere and respectful boy best friend, which is Toffee.
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Broken ones, I see myself in them.
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? I guess.
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? My ex, who's name I answered on question 1.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Yes
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Stanley Sombilla.
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? " eneber :""> <3.<3 pero seryoso ngaaaaa :* "
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? 1. The past, 2. Ako'y sayo, ika'y akin. 3. Broken arrow, 4. Almost is never enough and 5. Flightless bird.
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Yes
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yes
15. What good thing happened this summer? I met a girl who became really special to me.
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Sadly, yes.
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? No. no oxygen dude.
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no.
19. Do you like bubble baths? never had one. But yes.
20. Do you like your neighbors? I don't really go outside. I'm an anti-social
21. What are you bad habits? Biting my nails.
22. Where would you like to travel? Santorini, Greece. <3 :"> or Rio, would be nice too.
23. Do you have trust issues? Yes.
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Eating, Blogging and well, sleeping.
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? My stomach, although it's flat. I find it big.
26. What do you do when you wake up? Check my phone
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Lighter, please.
28. Who are you most comfortable around? My best friends, also my ex.
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Yes.
30. Do you ever want to get married? Yes.
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes.
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Andrew Garfield and Zac Efron would be nice. haha
33. Spell your name with your chin. How?!
34. Do you play sports? What sports? Yes, I do. The usual sports a normal person would play, which is Volleyball, swimming and badminton.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? without tv.
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Yes
37. What do you say during awkward silences? Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwkaaaaayyyyyy.
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? Uhm, someone who is compatible with me. Someone who's loyal and understanding and caring too. Someone who will never leave me. Those are the characteristics but if physically, I go for guys who looks like they're bad boys or something.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Forever 21.
40. What do you want to do after high school? Go to college.
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Yes, yes I do.
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I'm thinking, confused, hurt.
43. Do you smile at strangers? Yes.
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Outer space.
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? It's not morning anymore.
46. What are you paranoid about? I'm paranoid when someone takes too long to reply or someone who's giving someone else more time than me. I'm selfish :3
47. Have you ever been high? No
48. Have you ever been drunk? No :)
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? Yes.
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Gray
51. Ever wished you were someone else? Yes.
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? Is everything about me, considered a one thing?
53. Favourite makeup brand? Mac.
54. Favourite store? GirlShoppe. and Papemelroti, as well.
55. Favourite blog? Dakilanggerlpren.tumblr.com 's blog.
56. Favourite colour? Red, blue and white.
57. Favourite food?  Carbonara.
58. Last thing you ate? Chicken. <3
59. First thing you ate this morning? Chicken .. haha.
60. Ever won a competition? For what? Yes, dancing competition. I won a lot of competition before so can't really name them one by one by one you know. :)
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? Never happened.
62. Been arrested? For what? I'm 15. :) i'm not even allowed to get arrested yet
63. Ever been in love? many times before
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? Well .. Me and the first guy I kissed, we were at our friend's house. There were people fighting their chicken's against one another, in Philippines we call it " SABONG ". I was complaining and all that, bc it was noisy and our friend is still asleep and I'm cranky and I won't stop talking then I faced him while I kept talking then he kissed me. Taduuuh :) I was speechless after that, also I flushed.
65. Are you hungry right now? I'm always hungry.
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Well, If I had friends from tumblr, I would choose them. Bc people from tumblr, we understand one another. whether it's sex we're talking about or how you can't move on or family issues and stuff. We're a family and we'll help one another. and plus, no judging. :)
67. Facebook or Twitter? Twitter.
68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr <3
69. Are you watching tv right now? Yes
70. Names of your bestfriends? I have a lot. But Mia, Lourayne, Sophia, Patricia, Joanna, Toffee.
71. Craving something? What? Yes, him.
72. What colour are your towels? White, mostly.
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? I sleep with 4.
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes. <3
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I have atleast more than 10 stuffed animals.
75. Favourite animal? Panda.
76. What colour is your underwear? Rainbow. joke
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Both.
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Rocky road
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Black
80. What colour pants? Not wearing pants.
81. Favourite tv show? The vampire diaries, also Adventure time.
82. Favourite movie? A walk to remember
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? Mean girls.
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? Mean girls.
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? Gretchen.
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Dory.
87. First person you talked to today? Monica Tanzon.
88. Last person you talked to today? Well I'm talking to a lot of people today but I guess I'll be talking to my little brother last.
89. Name a person you hate? Katherine Hanniel Langa, Patricia Alzate, Carmela Viray, Trixie Shane.
90. Name a person you love? Srsly? God <3 :), my family, my friends, Asia, Babe.
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? yes.
92. In a fight with someone? Yes.
93. How many sweatpants do you have? I have 6 I think?
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? that will be 5.
95. Last movie you watched? The notebook
96. Favourite actress? Emma Stone
97. Favourite actor? Andrew Garfield.
98. Do you tan a lot? No. I'm already tanned so no need for tanning eklabu.
99. Have any pets? yes
100. How are you feeling? confused.
101. Do you type fast? yes
102. Do you regret anything from your past? yes
103. Can you spell well? yes
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes.
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? sadly, no :(
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yes?
107. Have you ever been on a horse? yes.
108. What should you be doing? Sleeping.
109. Is something irritating you right now? no.
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Yes.
111. Do you have trust issues? yes, again.
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Stanley Joshua Valdez Sombilla.
113. What was your childhood nickname? Mocca
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes
115. Do you play the Wii? yes, I used to.
116. Are you listening to music right now? yes.
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? YES
118. Do you like Chinese food? some of it.
119. Favourite book? Any john green's, e.l james, and sophia kinsela's book.
120. Are you afraid of the dark? No.
121. Are you mean? no.
122. Is cheating ever okay? It's never ok.
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no.
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.
125. Do you believe in true love? yes.
126. Are you currently bored? YES
127. What makes you happy? Love, food and books.
128. Would you change your name? Yes.
129. What your zodiac sign? Cancer.
130. Do you like subway? No.
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I've been here before, but I friendzoned him..
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Stanley.
133. Favourite lyrics right now? " You could be my hero, if only I could let go "
134. Can you count to one million? no.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I can't recall any.
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed.
137. How tall are you? 5'2"
138. Curly or Straight hair? My hair is straight, but I want it to be curly.
139. Brunette or Blonde? Brunette.
140. Summer or Winter? Winter. I think it's beautiful though we don't have winter here.
141. Night or Day? Night's are beautiful and majestic but they can be scary so I'd go with day.
142. Favourite month? July and February.
143. Are you a vegetarian? No.
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark.
145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee. Never tasted tea before.
146. Was today a good day? No.
147. Mars or Snickers? mars.
148. What’s your favourite quote? I have tons.
149. Do you believe in ghosts? No. But I do believe in life after death.
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? " I dropped her in a heap next to the pine tree and turned to face the bulls. " - Percy Jackson's; Sea of monsters.