I just want to stop breathing. vanish like I never existed. I’m tired of an everyday what ifs and regrets. it’s like I’m always wanting to escape a no-way-out kind of labyrinth.

        sometimes I just want to die, but at the same time I don’t want to. how am I going to pass through all these? a lot of plans come popping out of nowhere. they’re good and some of them were extremely brilliant. but I just can’t do something to make it happen. my capabilities aren’t enough to make great things happen.

         I want to die, but at the same time I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave all the burden to those people I care for. I don’t want to pass my problems unto them. I don’t even want them to know that I’m not really doing fine, that  there these king of thoughts running through my mind. I don’t want to bother them, even it seems like they won’t even care.

         I want to die. but would it be worth it? if in exchange of my life is a better life for them (no starving, no financial problem, no society oppression, no bullshit thoughts like this), then I would be more than willing to kill myself for their sake. but it’s not. if I’ll die, nothing will change, I just died — in vain.